Friday, October 21, 2011

Sex Hair, For Those Who Don't Put Out

It's this look for hair that us girls just adore. Some coked up model introduced it to us ages ago, and not only did the other models love the idea, but they wanted the hair to go with it.

While I don't have the same motives as those models, I do have strong aspirations to adjust my life in a manner that supports my laziness. Some call it Beach Hair, but I like being able to slip a little sex in the conversation, and why not my hair too? With this look comes ratty looking hair. Think Olsen skeletons. It's the ultimate reason to not wash your hair. God bless. I lean strongly on the excuse that it's best not to wash your hair every day. You're supposed to give it a day or so off, and let the natural oils (grease) hydrate it. Of all 'truths' I encounter in this world, this is one I cling to. But we all know we stretch that. That's like the Nestlee recipe for only 2 cups of chocolate chips, nobody in their right mind actually adds that little amount of chocolate.  I trust I'm not alone in this admittance?

I don't know how to explain it other than I am flat out, over the top, way too lazy to comb out my hair when I get out of the shower. That alone will keep me from getting these golden (obviously natural, no after market upgrades) locks wet. Combing it out isn't the end, now you have to apply all those ridiculous animal friendly products that you've convinced yourself make a difference, blow-dry with 3 different brushes, take a break because you're experiencing a glimpse into a menopausal hotflash, wrap the f-ing cord around blowdryer when finished (it truly seems like a lot of work, this step), add a little more product, then devise a prison-like plan to build an escape rope out of the hair you remove from the brush and drain. I'm over it. I'll save that work for when I'm in the mood to wear my sexy panties,hooker heels and skinny jeans edging dangerously close to the CT alert.

To give you boys some perspective, it's our version of our wallet distressing our jeans pocket. I know you secretly enjoy that you've made that indent, and no designer has done it for you. We get it, big boy. It's our turn. I don't want to brush my god damn hair! And if I can get away with it, I would love to take a body shower that takes 10 minutes. This obviously excludes when we have someone washing our hair for us and giving us that mind blowing scalp massage. I'd give a pair of abs to get one of those rub downs on a daily or even weekly basis. My hair girl, (bless her heart, I hope she's reading this) has the hands of gold.

I'm not the type to be all cutesy and do those at-home projects like scrap booking or collecting cats and potatoes. I'm into this gig for the sole purpose of laziness and saying 'sex hair' is fun. Whether I'm collecting cats or potatoes, I did have some free time on my hands recently, so figured I'd go for the gold. I read a damn how-to blog and did it. She calls it beach hair, she's wrong. It's called Sex Hair. That at-home project only took about half an hour. So I graduated to YouTube to brush up on my transvestite skills. No joke. I learned how to build hips for men dressing up in drag. I also discovered a version of pushup bra's for your butt cheeks. Moral of story, I'm not allowed on the internet or at home alone on a weekday.

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