This Camel Toe Epidemic We Call Fashion and Fitness

I haven't decided if a Camel Toe carries the same social rules as food in your teeth or a boogie in your nose. I, personally am awful about pointing those things out. But I do feel bad when I don't. So that counts for something. I feel strongly about not correcting someone when they can't do anything about it. What if you point out a Camel Toe to someone in the morning, and they have to walk around all day adjusting their...pair, or carying their purse awkardly. Now what? What have a society of ladies (some men, somebody please tell me if there is a term for this) walking around entombed in an invisible pencil skirt, or worse, bow legged.

The truly fortunate ones in this scenario are the kids. They probably don't know what a Camel Toe, or god forbid, what a Moose Knuckle is; even if it is staring them right in the eye. But we know. It creates that halting moment when we accidently glance down and there's that scream from the Maze Game. Now you're clearly using all concentration you posses to stair only at her right eye, or are jotting your eye's all over the room in an attempt to sneak in one more glance. Reasons unbeknownst to you.

Each decade has had its epidemic, unfortunately for us, not only are leggings in style, but so are jeggings and wearing fitness pants for 8 days straight. I do Pilates a couple times a week, which has turned in to the breeding ground for affluent, Calista Flockhart-looking, Camel Toe Moose Knuckle supporting cougars. While LuluLemon is easily a girls favorite designer to wear working out or on every errand they could possibly think of, the one detail the designers failed to address is the CT. I think their solution was stealing the push-up bra/top from Victoria's Secret and pushing our cleavage out as much as possible. A Moose Knuckle located more north-bound that is welcomed by all.

Fortunately for us, the legging trend has subdued unless you're preggo or can't tuck your FUPA into a pair of jeans. We are plagued with the jeggings, while not as anatomically correct as the Lulu workout  pants, these provide a seam....which also provides a...divide. I have a pair of jeggings that I just can't bring myself to wear unless I have a longer top. I'd like to entertain the thought that I am immune to this epidemic, but I feel denial may be worse. That's like the overweight girlfriend of the group that insists she is a size 2 as well, when clearly her clothes disagree. Yet another exmample of when you need to pull said person aside and have The Talk: "Stacy-We-Love-You, but..." I actually have no clue how that conversation would go. I'm either an asshole, or just straight chicken shit. I'll go with the latter. Besides, girl-talk is not a 'qualification' I'd list on my resume.

In an attempt to correct my lack of girl-talk skills. I will provide a map for all of us lost souls. Somebody not only has The Talk down, but truly knows the stress of the CT/MK. Clearly this was composed by a gay man.